Dating as a numbers game

To me, dating is just like sales, it’s all about the numbers.

There are a number of things that females do that used to annoy me to no end, and it all came crashing down when I finally began to accept that dating isn’t all that serious, it’s just a numbers game. Because i’m an efficient guy, i’ve created a system that aligns nicely with the universe, and I fine-tune it whenever needed because it’s simple, flexible, and best of all, it’s efficient.

The whole idea for me is to meet a girl in person and see where the universe takes us. Maybe we have amazing conversation, a spark of excitement leads to planning for an adventure, and then a line of events follows. Maybe we meet in person and decide this isn’t what we had in mind. Maybe, she starts lecturing me as she’s sitting down at the table across from me, and then she looks shocked when I get up and walk out. Yes, I really have done that, and no, i’m not ashamed of it. If you’re going to treat someone you’ve just met that way, what makes you think i’m going to stay and tolerate that??

A turn-off for me is lack of communication, and another is lack of desire to understand. In the first messages I exchange with a woman, I can easily determine if these two things are present or absent. I used to get annoyed at how difficult it was to exchange simple ideas with someone until I realized that anyone who makes communication that difficult is not someone I want to spent time with, and the universe is just filtering those people out quickly. Awesome.

Once we get past that part and have a face-to-face, things should get easier. If they don’t, that’s a red flag, and it’s time to take some considerations in. I know I don’t speak for everyone, but for me, I have no problem cutting ties and walking away, sometimes for things other people just don’t get. Last week I met with a lady I met online, and our meeting lasted about four minutes. I made it there a half-hour early, and I intended to sit back, enjoy a hot cup of coffee, and some me-time to read my book. I sent her a message letting her know I had made it there early, and she was welcome to join me early if she’d like to, but please, no rush at all, i’ve got all day. When she did make it in about five minutes before our agreed upon meeting time, she greeted me with, “What the fuck is wrong with you?”. The last four minutes of our meeting was just me waiting for the crowd to thin out enough for me to leave. FWIW, if that’s your greeting, my response will always be, “C-ya”. She went on to berate me via messages until I blocked her, and then she reported my profile. Vindictive much?

Here’s the bottom line: It’s just a numbers game, so just play the numbers. Go out, meet people, and if you find someone you really want to spend more time with, DO IT. Otherwise, say thank you and move along.

Sapiosexual

Yes, I am a Sapiosexual. I find intelligent women more attractive, primarily because that makes them more of an equal. While I believe there is a place for everyone in this world, I know that I am who, and what, I am, and there’s no sense in me hiding it. I also know that dating someone significantly different from myself in certain aspects is a recipe for disaster, and I just won’t waste my time, or hers, on such an event.

Dangerous Minds

A hot body, a wicked smile, and a zest for life are all great qualities, but intelligence is by the most attractive thing i’ve ever found in a woman.

 

Small talk

Small talk is defined as follows:

small talkˈsmôl ˌtôk/

noun

  1. polite conversation about unimportant or uncontroversial matters, especially as engaged in on social occasions.“propriety required that he face these people and make small talk

In my dictionary, I would add the definition:

“Conversation that is boring, often forced, and is never new, exciting, engaging, or useful to the intellectual mind.”

Small talk bores me. Small talk is about small ideas, small dreams, small goals, and small skillsets. There’s nothing wrong with any of that; this world is full of small minds, small ideas, and small talk, and that’s just the way it is, and I accept that.

Just because I accept that does not mean I will embrace it, enjoy it, or in some cases, subject myself to it. I’ve been in the ‘online dating’ world since 2006 off and on, mostly on, and I have no more desire now than I did then to waste my time on small, petty, silly questions that every girl asks me. I understand the point is to have conversation, or to start somewhere, or (insert whatever reason you wish to here), it’s all the same to me; boring, pedantic, and a waste of my time.

If you want to have conversation with me, then do it! Not through text messages of course; text messages should be kept shorter, and should solicit answered even shorter than the question. The entire point of the app/site/service is to help you meet people you want to meet, to help weed out the people you don’t. Once that’s been done, the next step should be to setup a meet. Yes, it’s a good idea to ‘check the crazy level’ before meeting someone in person, but if you’re smart enough to catch my attention, then you’re smart enough to know how to setup a safe meet. In either case, that’ll be covered in a future post.

Meet in person

I’ve got my ‘system’ narrowed to just a few steps, and one of those steps is meeting in person. I’m often asked why I insist on meeting in person, or why I won’t text with someone for (days, weeks, months….) to “get to know them” before we meet, and here’s why:

1) The ladies I like to spend time with are smart, classy, independant, confident, and capable. They know what they want, like, need, and in the first few messages exchanged, have already decided whether or not they’re going to give me some of their time in person.

2)  We can learn more about each other in face-to-face conversation for five minutes than we’ll learn in weeks of texting. Yes, it’s true that part of that is because in texting i’m only partly interested, but in meeting in you in person, we should both understand that we have both set aside time for this specific purpose, and that means infinitely more than texting.

3) When we do meet in person, we can answer a lot of questions without asking them, because we’ll be able to see for ourselves the answers to most questions.

4) If you’re not willing to meet with me, then it looks to me that you’re not actually dating, you’re just goofing around, which is a waste of everyones time. It doesn’t matter what you’re looking for, meeting someone is an integral part of any type of relationship, and if you’re not prepared to meet someone, then you’re clearly not prepared to date.

The bottom line for me is, if you’re not prepared to meet at all, you’re just wasting peoples time. If you don’t know what your criteria to meet is, then you’re just not on my level, and all i’m going to do is frustrate you.

Favorites

A common question i’m asked, and one that I find terribly boring, is, “What’s your favorite (insert thing here)?” While I don’t think it’s a bad question, I find that it dances squarely on the ‘usual’, and puts me in an odd position. See, i’m not one to choose favorites, and I find it quite difficult to settle down to any one thing as being the one I prefer over all the others. Sure I have the brands I prefer, I have the names I would place more trust in that others, but picking a favorite has always been difficult for me, and it often leads to more difficult conversation that ends poorly, or in anger from the person asking me, as though I were hiding something from them. I assure you i’m not hiding anything, i’m just not into picking favorites.

The exception to this would be my future wife; rest assured, when I find a woman worth asking to be my wife, she will be my favorite person; my best friend, my confidant, my rock; my everything. I just hope she never asks me to pick a favorite moment i’ve had with her.

Daniel Dates

I’m Daniel, and i’m in the “dating world”, which I think just means that i’m interested in spending time with women I find attractive and want to be more than friends with.

Often times I find the terms people use to be a touch ambiguous, and sometimes, downright confusing. After several years in the “dating world”, i’ve come to find the terms that are tossed around make just as much sense as the people who use them, which is one of the many reasons I think it’s hard to date for me, or people like me (if any such people exist).

I’m creating this blog with the intention of using it to expand on my thoughts, feelings, and experiences in the dating world, in the hopes that my future wife will stumble across it, fall madly in love with me, and demand we meet immediately so we can begin our courtship. I’m on my way honey, i’m on my way.

Communication

Communication is a vital part of any activity involving more than one person, and it’s the medium by which we organize ourselves, or are organized, to accomplish things.

Communication is a tool I use every single day, in every part and piece of my life. Sometimes I use it to convey an idea i’m exploring, sometimes to request assistance where needed, sometimes to share my time with those I love, and sometimes to determine whether or not I want to spend time with someone.

Focusing on that last use, i’ll share this with you: if we have difficulty communicating in the first few messages, i’m checking out. What that tells me is that you don’t possess clear communication skills, and those people annoy me to no end. Now, i’m sure you can communicate just fine with the people you deal with in your everyday life, and that’s great, but I find that most people don’t communicate well on any level at or above a 6th grade education. Yes, I know, that makes me sound arrogant and condescending, but you know what? That’s ok. You can call it anything you want; I call it being real, being honest. Let’s do be honest about this, too, even brutally honest; if you and I constantly have communication issues, then what quality of life would you expect to have if you were dating me? I know I would expect a poor quality of life, and that’s not something i’m open to.

I don’t expect anyone to communicate as clearly, articulately, or logically as I do, but I do expect you to understand basic english well enough to not have to ask me to explain all of my questions. One of the questions i’ve learned to ask is, “What’s your criteria to meet?”, and i’ve been somewhat surprised at some of the answers. I’ve actually had women ask me, in response to that question, “What do you mean?”. This baffles me, because I don’t see how this could be misconstrued in the context of a conversation between two people on a dating site. In the event you ended up here, and that question confused you, let me break it down for you: I’m asking you for your criteria to meet, or by what factors you decide whether or not to meet someone you met on a dating site, so I can determine if there are any criteria I cannot meet. If I meet all of your criteria, and you meet all of mine, then it stands to reason we should meet. By the way, ladies, if you’re not willing to meet at all, please get off any site that’s designed to help people meet people; you’re just clogging up the system and wasting peoples time.

Purpose

The purpose of dating is to find someone you can spend the rest of your life with. That’s it. You don’t date to waste other people’s time. You don’t date to have someone feed your ego. You don’t date to temporarily fill a void emotionally or physically. You date to find that one person who you feel like you can spend the rest of your life with.