The purpose of dating is to find someone you can spend the rest of your life with. That’s it. You don’t date to waste other people’s time. You don’t date to have someone feed your ego. You don’t date to temporarily fill a void emotionally or physically. You date to find that one person who you feel like you can spend the rest of your life with.
This is why i’m looking to meet, not text all year…
The biggest reason I want to get to the meet and greet portion is to avoid all the hassle and confusion of texting. It’s hard to know what people mean when you’re communicating via text since it strips most emotion out of the medium, and while I can chat away without judgement, I find most women can’t (or won’t), so it’s a lot easier to just talk in person.Plus, we can learn a lot more about each other by spending time together, so let’s just meet and see if we have chemistry. 🙂
One of the most important tasks in a relationship, talking! 😀
I had a very interesting conversation today about aggression, made all the more interesting because it was with a woman i’ve never met, likely never will, and who declared she hates the very thought of men like me. Her opinion was that i’m ‘too aggressive’, too forward, much too quick to get to the point of something, and it’s men like me that are ruining the world.
I found it interesting because she got to this conclusion without any conversation from me, but insisted on making sure I knew that her opinion of me being aggressive is what’s wrong with the entire world. So, thanks for putting in all the effort to show me why we can’t date, I appreciate that.
It did, however, get me to thinking about me getting to the point, and some of the other things that people point out when they call me ‘intense’ or ‘aggressive’.
Someone says they don’t know where I live. I point out that it’s in my profile, because reading and taking in information is a basic skill. Taking that a little further, sometimes people will tell me they saw that, but don’t know where that is… to which I reply with a comment about, or perhaps a link to, google maps. Again, basic skill.
Another example is when people ask me what my dealbreakers are. Again, I point to my profile, and sometimes that’s when they call me an asshole (or other attempts at insults), or sometimes they reply later and we continue to conversation.
My profile is built, designed, and updated to filter (not the first time we’ve talked about filtering, is it?) out the women I would not enjoy dating, and it’s somewhat humorous to me to see women get so mad at me about such little things. Ladies, I don’t know if you’ve figured this out yet, but if my profile pisses you off, you’re not strong enough to date men, so stick with boys. #sorrynotsorry
So, am I aggressive? When needs be, yes. Am I an Alpha male? Probably. Am I driven? To succeed in ways most people only dream of.
The bottom line here is i’m just like any other guy; not every woman is going to like me. When I was a boy, I didn’t like that. When I grew up, got over myself, and stopped living to please the world, I learned that ‘not everyone will like you’ is a good thing. I keep my circle small, and just like everything else in my life, i’m all about quality, not quantity.
“Assumption is the MOTHER of all fuck-ups” – Penn, Under Siege 2
I’ve never been a fan of assumptions in any aspect of life, but in the world of dating and relationships, I double down on not wanting that nonsense.
My last relationship was interesting in many ways, but one of the things I had to deal with a constant parade of assumptions from her. Now, it’s important (to me) to note that she had a really bad (abusive in many ways) previous relationship, and that’s not easy to recover from. I put in a lot of effort to help her start dealing with some of that, and I gently reminded her often to look at my actions alone, not to judge me on the actions of previous boyfriends, but I never got that.
Assumptions create a lot of problems, and they’re not easy to deal with because they put two people in two different positions; the one who makes the assumptions is not thinking about the same things as the other person because the other person doesn’t have the information the assumption maker has made up (that’s a mouthful, right??).
Hence the reason why I always work to pull people back from the assumption and get both parties back on common ground; only then can we start working forward TOGETHER. This, to me, is the basis of teamwork, and requires clear, open communication.
Her assumptions of me led to most of the issues we had to deal with, all the way up to her creating drama and cutting ties with me. I don’t like that it came to that, but it wasn’t my choice, and there’s nothing left for me to do about it.
Don’t make assumptions! Spend the energy on communication and working WITH your partner instead of against them.
A date isn’t made perfect by the place, the setting, the time, or anything else; it’s made perfect by the people, and the relationship between them.
Giving your time and energy is far more important in a relationship.
If you’re struggling in your relationship, trying to find the ‘I know they love me”, sit down and write out how much of their time they’ve spent with you lately. You’ll find out really fast how they feel about you.