Guarded

As I reflect on the past week I find myself more often passing on opportunities, citing several reasons that all fall into the category of, “Not worth the drama”, and it’s become more common for me to do so, which bothers me.

I see myself as being open-minded, an explorer, and someone who makes the best of the situation they’re in, so seeing my results of passing on potential dates because of the potential for drama bothers me, and causes me to wonder what’s going on. I’m seeing a large amount of this behavior here in Atlanta, and my overall view of this city so far is that people are angry, and quick to get aggressive when anything is out of their ‘norm’, which is really annoying. Atlanta is also the city where I’ve had the worst dating/personal experience I think I’ve ever had, so I wonder how much that skews my view, too.

So here I am, 17 months after the back injury catastrophe, still sputtering along, still dealing with issue after issue, and i’m sure that plays into the mindset as well, but the question remains, ‘how much?’. How much of my distaste for dating is this city, how much is that last personal experience, and how much is from me ‘treading water’ for so long? The saddest part for me is that, I just realized there’s so little ‘good’ in my life right now, so little that buoys me, that uplifts me, that lets me just ‘be’ in life. Everywhere I go it seems there’s some issue, some concern, some drama, and being in that constant emotional struggle is really exhausting. It becomes even more annoying for me when I look back at times in my life when I worked 60-90 hours a week, sometimes 7 days a week, for weeks, even months on end, and I was able to handle that without much more than a long nap on my day off, but now I feel stuck working overtime with the mental and emotional toil of dealing with drama and anger and blame seemingly everywhere I go; it’s exhausting.

Sometimes I wonder how many potential relationships never came about because I simply unmatched at the sight of drama; I also wonder how many lost out on me because they chose drama instead of conversation?

Small talk sucks!

I don’t like small talk, for the sole reason that it’s pointless. Why bother?

Now, Harvard has determined that it’s useless, too.

https://www.cnbc.com/2019/03/07/stop-asking-how-are-you-harvard-researchers-say-this-is-how-successful-people-make-small-talk.html

Truth.

The lack of desire is about concern of wasted energy; people don’t ask about things they’re not interested in.