“Assumption is the MOTHER of all fuck-ups” – Penn, Under Siege 2
I’ve never been a fan of assumptions in any aspect of life, but in the world of dating and relationships, I double down on not wanting that nonsense.
My last relationship was interesting in many ways, but one of the things I had to deal with a constant parade of assumptions from her. Now, it’s important (to me) to note that she had a really bad (abusive in many ways) previous relationship, and that’s not easy to recover from. I put in a lot of effort to help her start dealing with some of that, and I gently reminded her often to look at my actions alone, not to judge me on the actions of previous boyfriends, but I never got that.
Assumptions create a lot of problems, and they’re not easy to deal with because they put two people in two different positions; the one who makes the assumptions is not thinking about the same things as the other person because the other person doesn’t have the information the assumption maker has made up (that’s a mouthful, right??).
Hence the reason why I always work to pull people back from the assumption and get both parties back on common ground; only then can we start working forward TOGETHER. This, to me, is the basis of teamwork, and requires clear, open communication.
Her assumptions of me led to most of the issues we had to deal with, all the way up to her creating drama and cutting ties with me. I don’t like that it came to that, but it wasn’t my choice, and there’s nothing left for me to do about it.
Don’t make assumptions! Spend the energy on communication and working WITH your partner instead of against them.