Ambiguous

A common issue I deal with is when I ask someone else what their dealbreakers are. The women who ask me what dealbreakers are clearly aren’t ready to date, and seem most likely to bitch and whine about dating being hard. The women who know what dealbreakers are, but don’t know what theirs are, are most likely to create confusion, then get pissy with me when I ask questions to clarify. 

The driving force behind me making a system for online dating was to avoid getting so many mean/angry/judgemental/insulting messages in the online dating world, and i’m happy to report it works very well. I still get them now and then, but now I recognize them as red flags, and I move on as quickly as I can, leaving that person to deal with their own issues.

A smaller issue I run into is when a dealbreaker is based on opinion, or is not something I can measure for myself. One of my dealbreakers is poor communincation, and that’s really easy for other people to figure out; either they can communicate with people and they know it, or they don’t know, which means they probably don’t communicate clearly. I know, I know, i’m an asshole. Sure. I’m not, i’m just efficient, direct, and moving forward. Keep up.
For me, I used to ask for clarification on dealbreakers that I couldn’t determine for myself if I had them, but the overwhelming response to that has been rude/angry/insulting messages, so now if I can’t figure out for myself if I don’t have any of their dealbreakers, I simply determine we don’t match, and I move on. I’ve been told that I could be missing out on someone great, and I agree, but life is entirely too short to waste on people who insist on making things difficult when they don’t need to be, and I have no desire to be around people like that.

Effort

Following up on my last post, ‘Next!’, let’s take a moment (okay, several moments) to talk about effort.

Dating is a numbers game. Running numbers takes effort. Doing the same thing again and again and again and again and again and… you know… takes effort.
The number one reason I get when I ask people why they say online dating is so hard is, “It’s so much work!”. Of course it is, because you’re making it too much work!

Texting/messaging someone back and forth is no way to get to know someone. It’s a great way to cause confusion, pass information in a way that becomes ambiguous, confusing, or difficult, and create a sense of anything the other person can imagine. All of that can be avoided by simply meeting the person, face to face. See? Simple.

For me, I have no interest in putting any more effort than is necessary for any given task. I have a system, it works, and I use it, so I don’t have to re build the wheel each time.

Next!

Dating is a numbers game, plain and simple. Yes, there’re feelings involved, along with chemicals and time and other stuff, and that’s great! But that’s all third date stuff. How do you get to the third date? By having a good second date. How do you get to a good second date? By having a first good date. How do you get to having a good first date? BY MEETING. 

How do you get to meeting? By figuring out whether or not you match. There’s two parts to this that really matter:
1) Does this person have/do/embody anything that you just won’t tolerate in your life? Those are called dealbreakers, and they need to be clear, concise, and communicated.
2) Is this person someone who motivates you to put on clothes, go someplace, and meet them? That’s called criteria to meet, and it’s important for that to be clear, concise, and communicated as well.

I always chuckle when people tell me ‘online dating is hard’. No, my dear reader, online dating is not hard, you’re just making it, or taking it, hard. 

Each potential match of mine is put to the same measuring stick:
Do they have any of my dealbreakers? If yes, Next! If no, proceed.
Do they meet my ‘criteria to meet’? If yes, let’s meet. If no, Next!.
Once we’ve met, we’ll figure out the rest as we go and as needed, but until we’ve met in person, what’s the point?

Purpose

date (dāt/) noun

  1. 1.the day of the month or year as specified by a number.“what’s the date today?”synonyms:day, day of the month, occasion, time; More
  2. 2.a social or romantic appointment or engagement.”a college student on a date with someone he met in class”synonyms:appointment, meeting, engagement, rendezvous, assignation; commitment”a lunch date”

We’re not talking about day of the month or year here, we’re talking about the act (art) of dating, and specifically about the purpose of ‘online dating’.

Let’s start with the part that seems obvious to me, but elusive to most: online dating isn’t dating, at all. No, not even a little bit. Online dating is a fun term thrown about that covers a wide variety of sites and services with one purpose in practice: connect people based on certain criteria. Most often that criteria is location, interests, and intention, but it can include a myriad of other variables such as preferences about drugs, kids, lifestyle, or cars.

Online dating is all about connection. That’s it, that’s all of it. You set up a profile (be honest!), set your preferences, and start filtering through the returned matches. Simple, right? It is, except when people get involved and muck it all up with the mud and the stupid and the drama and the attitude.

You know that line about me, “I’m real, raw, and honest”? or the other one, “I’m logical, i’m efficient, i’m organized”? Yeah, those are me, all the way down to my bone marrow. For me, online dating is simply a connection tool, and I use my tools efficiently. I have a system setup that’s specifically designed to filter out women I don’t want to date. Indecisive? No thanks. Poor communicator? No thanks. Quick to anger? NO. All of those are traits that my system is designed to filter out quickly, and it works, all the time, every time.

If you don’t know what the purpose of the tool, platform, or service you’re using is, then perhaps you shouldn’t be using it.

Love

We all deserve this, but it’s important to remember that what makes sense to you may not make sense to someone else.

Alone

Often times, people equate being single to being alone, and while that’s true in some regards, I don’t think it should have such equality, or negative connotation.

For me, my alone time is precious, and very helpful to me as an introvert. I’m not against spending time with other people, but i’ve become more picky about who I spend my time with. I choose to spend my time around positive, happy, intelligent people, and those qualities are infectious.

Another part of alone for me is that it’s easier than dealing with nonsense, drama, and other negative bullshit people seem to insist on dragging around with them. I have no desire for that stuff, and I don’t want to be around it, either.

Being alone has given me time to find out who I am, love who I am, and grown who I am. I know one day a woman will come along that I want to be with more than I want to be alone, and that’ll be the one. One day.

Goals

Success is all about goals, and dating is no different. You’ve got to have goals in dating, and in life, if you want to achieve success!

My goal in dating is to find someone that I enjoy being with more than being alone (more about that).

My goal in life is create a life I never need a vacation from, and I intend to accomplish that through my mission statement, “Helping people, Fixing things, Solving problems”.

My goal in a relationship is to build a partnership in every aspect of life, and continue to grow that partnership through the fabric of time.

If we make it past the meeting, you’re likely to hear me ask, “What’s your big life goal?” and while i’m not here to judge you, your answer to that question bears a lot of weight. If you don’t have a life goal, get one. If you don’t know where to start, feel free to ask, and i’ll get you pointed in the right direction.

What’s your next goal?

Introductions are in order

So this category is about my new pup Scout, and about life in an RV with a dog.

I adopted Scout from the LaGrange Humane Society on December 29th, 2017, and we quickly began adapting to life together in an RV. She’s a quick learner, full of energy, loves to take naps in between excursions, and insists on scouting out every single molecule of space in the TT, which means nothing is safe from her! 🙂

 

 

Chill, no chill

I’m having all kinds of fun down here in Georgia, but the weather is a special kind of adventure here these days.
So far, in the last 10 days, it’s been as warm as 65 degrees, and as cold as 20 degrees; all of that in 10 days!!
Luckily, i’ve got an oil-filled heater, and let me tell you, it’s SO NICE to have on the COLD nights. I wish i’d known the difference sooner, but now that I do, i’d like to share a little of my research with you.
When it comes to electric heaters, which are awesome while you’re connected to shore power (unless you’re on a metered connection!) there are a few different things to consider:

  • Convection heaters warm the air around them, which means they take awhile to heat up a whole room, but they do a great job of keeping the room warm for a long time. Radiator heaters fall into this category.
  • Radiant heaters warm the objects around them, which are great for immediate heat, and work best for short term use.
  • Here’s a link to more useful information about heating types.

 

In my TT, I have a small space heater in the bedroom, and a large oil-filled (radiating type) electric heater in the main room. I also have a large space heater for the big room, but when it drops below 40 outside, the oil filled heater does a much better job of keeping the place warm.

The other thing I really like about the oil-filled heater is that it helps to keep the floor, and under the floor, warm, which means the furnace doesn’t have to run nearly as much to keep the place warm!

One last note on space heaters: I much prefer the type of heaters that have analog thermostats, the kind with a knob and switch, instead of a digital thermostat so that if/when I trip a breaker, or if the power goes out temporarily, I don’t have to run around resetting heaters every time. Instead, the switch and knob stay where I left them, and when power comes back, they’re automatically on and running again.

Lazy

Yep, i’m lazy. I know, I know, there’s a long list of test results, employers, mentors, co workers, supervisors, and clients that all tell me i’m anything *BUT* lazy, which is nice, but the truth is, I am.

I’m efficient, i’m logical, i’m organized, and I despise waste. I don’t like to waste food, time, energy, money, parts, pieces, gizmos, or anything else.
I’m that guy that makes an effort to recycle stuff even when there’s no recycling place around, just to keep it from being wasted.

In the dating world, i’m no different. In fact, I’m more open and raw about myself here than in most interactions because this is something with a much bigger potential outcome.

I exchange a lot of messages, and the majority of them all end in the same way they have in many years: The girl gets mad, the girl insults me, the girl doesn’t message me anymore. Since the majority of messages end this, i’ve developed ways to get right down to the meat of the issue as quickly as possible, in an effort to avoid wasting anyones time (especially mine). Yes, I know, some people would say that takes the fun out of dating, but I disagree; dating doesn’t happen until after we’ve met, hit it off, and I’ve asked her out on a date.

My goal here is only filter women into one of two categories, “Yes, we’re going to meet”, or, “No, we’re not going to meet yet”. It’s truly that simple to me, and it works. I may only meet a few women every week, but the quality of the women i’m meeting is far better than it was before I started this system, and much easier for me.