Alright, let’s break this down a little bit, shall we?
Several years ago, I had a roommate, who was much smarter than me, or at least it seemed so because he had his shit together, ducks in a row, and so on. He said to me, in a conversation about dating, “…dating is easy once you know what you want, what you don’t want, and what your deal breakers are. If you don’t know those things, you’re gonna have a bad time.” That stuck with me for a long time, until I finally put it into action, and figured out what my deal breakers are.
So, what *IS* a deal breaker, you ask?
A deal breaker is something that you have decided you simply will not accept, tolerate, or be a part of, and nothing can change your mind about it. Simply put, it’s something that will break the deal, no matter how good the deal (dating) is.
Alright, now that we know what a deal breaker is, let’s break mine down a bit more.
Tobacco use, substance abuse, excess criminal activity, poor attitude, communication, or hygiene, and closed minds.”
1) Tobacco use.
This one is pretty clear cut; if you smoke, chew, dip, or otherwise use Tobacco, that’s a deal breaker for me.
2) Substance abuse.
A drug is anything other than food that alters your state of mind. There are many things that fall into this category, and truth be told, I don’t care if people use them. In fact, I rather encourage people to use certain drugs in a medicinal way, but not pharmaceuticals; actual, natural drugs. However, if you abuse those drugs, that’s a deal breaker. You smoke marijuana now and then to relax and rest your bones? Awesome, i’m cool with that. I won’t smoke it with you, but i’m cool with it. You use cocaine to get your rocks off, but in the privacy of your own home, and without abusing it? Neat. See the difference?
3) Excess criminal activity.
I bet we all break a law at least three times a day, without even knowing it. Going 1 MPH over the speed limit? Law breaker. Didn’t come to a COMPLETE stop at that fourth stop sign in a row? You criminal, you. Changed lanes without using your turn signal? I will judge you for that, but it’s also a criminal offense. When I say excess criminal activity, i’m talking about intentionally setting out to commit a crime, and usually that involves violating the rights of someone else, or denying them of their property. Stole someones TV out of their house? Nope, deal breaker. Broke someones car windows to ‘teach them a lesson’? Be gone with you. So on and so on.
4) Poor Attitude.
If you have a generally poor attitude about life, then I don’t want to be around. You’re a downer, and in short time you’re going to hate me because i’ll inevitably say, “You have a problem for every solution, don’t you?”. You’ll take a minute to ponder that, understand it, then be upset with me. Then you’ll dislike me, it’ll turn ugly, and you’ll probably make it all the way to hating me when you realize you can’t change me, or even have any of my attention anymore. Save yourself the trouble, move it along.
5) Poor Hygiene
Yes, I know I skipped one, but it’s the big one, so i’ll come back to it last.
Poor hygiene is very simple; if you don’t take care of your body, I don’t want to be near you. Done.
6) Closed minds.
Yeah, close-minded people and I don’t get along, because I invariably challenge their ideas of life, usually with well-thought, logical arguments. They don’t like that I figured it out, so they lash out. Cue the drama, and that’s my exit.
7) Last, but by far the most important things to me, COMMUNICATION.
If you have poor communication skills, we’re never even going to start. There is so much stuff in life that I want to share with my future wife, and it all requires clear, concise, communication. Say what you mean, mean what you say, hold true to your word, and use your words to express your thoughts, feelings, wants, needs, and ideas. Can’t? Move along. Won’t? Heh. Please don’t.
My deal breakers are set in place as a result of things I learned that I simply will not tolerate, at all, in any amount, for any reason. If you have one or more of these, keep in mind that none of this is about you, it’s about me, my decisions, and my desires. If we don’t match, that’s not the end of the world, that’s just the end of the thought of use dating. There’s seven billion people on this planet, almost half men and half women. Trust me ladies, somewhere out there is a guy who will treat you better than you ever imagined, who will love you in a way you’ve never felt, and with whom you will love deeper, stronger, and wider than you’ve ever known. Don’t be afraid to hold your standards high; you might be single a little longer, but single is better than miserable any day.